Tina: If you don't have bush confidence, you won't feel good about your bush and you'll never get laid.

Bette: You ever notice that whenever Shane walks in the room, someone runs out crying?

Shane: Dana, I'm impressed, you're into someone and you want to know whether or not they're down.
Dana: She's down?
Alice: Whether she plays for our team -- the gay team.
Dana: Wait... don't the bisexuals have their own team?

Alice: Dana, most girls are straight 'til they're not, and then, sometimes they're gay 'til they're not.

Tina: Maybe she's a different kind of lesbian.
Alice: Yeah, the straight kind!

Jenny: Everytime I look at you, I feel so completely dismantled.

Dana: I've never been more humiliated or embarrassed or ashamed of anything in my entire life.
Alice: What, did she tie you up and leave you?

Lisa: I'm a lesbian-identified man.